You’re in for a treat.
Over the next 5 weeks I will be releasing some of the most powerful strategies I know to help you build better habits, rewire your brain into a place of peace and become a exponentially happier, healthier version of yourself.
I call the complete collection – ‘The Transformation Toolbox’. Based upon my own lived experience of addiction recovery, toxic relationships, life challenges and what it took to overcome them.
It’s an ebook concept, inspired by the work of Dr. Phil Stutz, co-author of ‘The Tools’.
After contemplating what would be an engaging read/listen this week, I had the idea to release these tools I created across a 5-part series.
5 weeks. 10 tools. More life-changing than Game of Thrones.
Let me tell you a quick story.
Shortly after I’d written the toolbox, I shared it with my friends and family. Purely for feedback, not expecting they would engage with it actively.
However, that is exactly what happened.
Recently, I was out enjoying a Saturday afternoon in the sun.
While catching up with a good friend of mine, he told me how using the toolbox has been an invaluable resource for him, as he quits smoking and approaches a challenging career change.
In this line of work, you don’t always see how far the ripples spread. But when you hear about the downstream wins, it feels really bloody good.
Especially when it’s face to face, in the flesh. It carries weight.
Now. That’s enough for an intro, I’m sure you are itching to dive in. So, without any further ado – I present to you part 1 of the Transformation Toolbox series.
Enjoy.
Q: How can I break bad habits and compulsive behaviours?
A: With alchemy…
Tool #1: Alchemy
What is it?
Think of your life as the very thing you crave. In the ancient practice of alchemy, there’s a concept called transmutation. The transformation of one substance into another, like turning lead into gold.
In this process, your addiction or habit is the lead: heavy, burdensome, and holding you back. But through the practice of Alchemy, you can transform this lead into gold – the vibrant, fulfilling life you truly desire.
By shifting your focus from the habit to the life you want, you harness the energy of your cravings and channel it into building a more meaningful existence.
How to apply it?
Imagine you’re hopelessly hooked on video games, spending hours on quests, missions, and grinding for rewards to level up your character or team.
Now, what if you turned that same energy toward yourself?
Think of yourself as the game. You are the main character, and your life is the adventure.
Instead of a to-do list, create a "quest log" or "mission list" filled with challenges that move you closer to your goals.
Hit the gym? You're gaining experience points and levelling up your strength.
Spending time with friends? That's a boost to your social skills.
Mastering a new skill? Level up your intelligence and creativity.
And it’s not just for video games. This approach works for any craving – be it alcohol, scrolling, porn, or food. Each craving is driven by a desire: maybe it's a longing for relaxation, confidence, or comfort.
Instead of reaching for a drink, channel that need into a healthier outlet, like meditation classes to unwind or spin classes to improve your fitness.
For example: You want confidence.
Alcohol is a shortcut to confidence, and not genuine confidence at that. Just an inflated ego and nullified negative emotions.
Learning to meditate or training builds your mental and physical wellbeing. It’s earned. Both of which deepen your understanding of yourself, which is the true nature of confidence.
Two options to get confidence, one is an act, the other is real.
For many, alcohol seems like the only option. But it’s up to you to create another.
In simple terms:
Identify the feeling your habit gives you.
Ask yourself – is this my only option? How else can I cultivate this feeling?
Transmute that energy into alternative actions that enrich your life instead.
As you show up in healthier ways over and over again, you will rewire your neural pathways and associate the new choice with the desired outcome.
Turn your cravings into fuel for your transformation, and watch as your life levels up in ways you never thought possible.
Why it works?
Addiction isn’t about the substance or activity itself.
It’s about the feeling it gives you.
You aren’t drawn to porn simply because you want to watch it; you crave the feelings of sexual intimacy, arousal, and connection. Porn becomes addictive because it’s the easiest, most accessible way to achieve those feelings, even if it offers a lesser, unfulfilling version of what you truly desire.
It’s like there isn’t any lemon drizzle cake in stock, so you are eating raw lemons, egg and flour instead. Same desire, different ways to meet it.
When you establish more fulfilling responses to cravings, like building an intimate relationship with a partner. The need for the addictive habit fades.
You don’t need knock off imitations when you have the real thing.
By fulfilling the underlying desire in healthier, more meaningful ways, you weaken the hold that compulsion has over you.
Remember: It’s not about fighting the habit, it’s about transforming the way you meet your need.
Q: How can I stop relapsing and quit for good?
A: With the door of temptation…
Tool #2: Door of Temptation
What is it?
If you’ve struggled with addiction or tried to quit a habit, you know the pull of temptation that comes with potential relapses.
You decide to stop drinking, but a friend tempts you with the promise of a cold beer on a hot day. You try to quit smoking, but when someone lights up on a night out, you find yourself reaching for a cigarette.
These moments are like walking back through the Door of Temptation. As long as that door stays slightly open – inviting, easy to step through – the risk of relapse remains.
How to apply it?
Get rid of the door. Whatever your door looks like, smash it down. Remove it completely, and seal up the space where it once stood.
For example:
Delete your PlayStation account if gaming is your struggle.
Delete social media accounts that keep you doomscrolling.
Distance yourself from people who don’t respect your choices.
If your laptop or tablet leads you to places you know you shouldn’t go, consider getting rid of it altogether.
By eliminating these easy pathways back to your old habits, you make relapse far less likely.
It’s about creating a space where the temptation no longer has an entry point.
Why it works?
When you remove the door, the pressure fades instantly. The struggle stops, and there’s no battle with willpower because there’s simply no other option.
If there’s no alcohol in the house, you can’t drink it.
How far you take this approach is up to you. Maybe you deflate your car tyres to stop yourself from driving to the shops. Extreme? Maybe.
The point is to increase the resistance between you and what you’re trying to quit.
Addictions are much easier to fall back into when they’re within reach.
By making them less available, you take a huge step towards breaking their hold over you. Sometimes, that added distance is all it takes to support your recovery.
Remember: if there’s no door to fall back through, the only way is forward.
Next time on the Transformation Toolbox…
We will meet tools 3 and 4.
Body Squad and Magnetic Movement. Taking it from a habit theme, to more of a health and fitness theme.
You may be wondering what this has to do with real confidence?
Everything.
Confidence is not about one particular thing. It’s about wholeness. The foundations, the structure and the roof. Confidence is knowing your building inside and out. It’s when you know each room, and exactly how to get there.
The building is you.
It doesn’t need to be the biggest.
It doesn’t need to be the tallest.
It doesn’t even need to be the strongest.
It just needs to be 100% yours.
And for you to feel at home inside it.
It is that simple. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Confidence is not complicated.
But if you set yourself hundreds of hurdles between you and self-awareness, then it will be.
I know you are on the path. You’re here aren’t you?
At your side always,
-ONM.
P.S. I have 3 spaces available for those seeking 1:1 support. To inquire about coaching, send me a message or reply to this email.
You can find information on the 3 options I offer on the page below.
Share this post